"To Love..."

"To love is to be vulnerable" - C.S. Lewis

This quote keeps popping up whether it be in conversations with friends, in chapel, or randomly in my mind. These six words have such a huge impact. Lewis wants the point to come across crystal clear: Love hurts.

See love causes people to be vulnerable. It causes people to be real with each other. By choosing to love people you are seeing what their life is actually like. When you let others love you, you are letting them see all of your imperfections. At any point those who you've opened up to can leave, and some do. Whatever the reason they chose to leave, focus on the ones that stayed. Be happy that there are people that stuck around because they care. 

When we love, we are not promised pain free. We are taught that love hurts. Loving anything and anyone for any reason can hurt.  The greater your ability to love the more likely you are too feel pain.

Sometimes I feel like I love too much. I love to the point that "if they could just understand..." I love to the point that I would rather take on other peoples hurts than have them go through any pain... 

"To love is to be vulnerable"

My heart breaks every Wednesday night when I leave the kids and head back to campus. It seem that I'm moving in a 1 step forward 2 steps back kind of way. My heart breaks when my kids refuse to let me go because they know you love them and they desperately need to feel it. My heart breaks when they can be so smart yet be continually told they are not. my heart breaks when my kids do not feel they are special. They are some much more then special to me, and I love them.

 This idea of coming before God with a heart, or rather hands full of broken pieces that were once a heart and just offering it up to him to fix came up in a conversation and for whatever reason it has stuck with me. I know for me there will be multiple times where I come before God with my broken pieces look at him and say "It broke...Can you fix it?"

                                                                             "To love is to be vulnerable"

So my challenge to you... love people! Really truly love people... because people are awesome (even if they can end up hurting you!)

God Bless, 

He has made you Beautiful!

Remember the Sparrows

So I know it’s been a while since I wrote last! I have been kind of busy with an internship this summer and then moving back to college for my sophomore year! (Excited shriek!)  Classes start tomorrow supper excited and nervous! Let’s get to the actual reason I wrote!

I am scared. I’m scared that things aren't going to be the same as last year (It’s a new year, they won’t be). I’m scared that my friendships with people will change, and it won’t be for the better. I also don’t feel significant in what I can do in God’s kingdom. I am in college. I don’t have a car. I don’t feel like I can make a difference. Then at church, one of the girls from the youth group I help with came to my mind. I can make a difference in her life. I have purpose, and there is a reason I am still here. Since this morning at church, I keep being reminded to have faith and to trust him. I believe he knows what he’s doing. He has my life in his hands. He loved me so much he died for me. The least I could do is trust him. 

So my challenge to you anytime you worry would be to remember the sparrows:  “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?  Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?” Matthew 6:25-27 You are worth more than them! Also draw closer to God and learn who he! He is the one who created everything… and He love You! Never forget that!

My Own Worst Enemy...

Hi I’m Kara, and I’m my own worst enemy… I have the power to think about every situation that I am a part of and every outcome for each situation… So what’s the problem? I over think…I over think to the point of driving myself crazy! I over think about everything! It kind of sucks, for me and everyone around me… I process through talking and writing (part of the reason I have this blog!) So when I over think (hahah yeah sorry guys! :/)  I can blow every little thing out of proportion! It doesn't end well for me! By over thinking, I put myself on an emotional roller coaster I don’t have to be on!  But that’s not the only problem!

Another problem is Words! Words hurt whether we let people know or not! So someone could jokingly say “oh you can’t do that!” The more we hear that, the more we believe it. The more we believe that, the more baggage we acquire. I know I linked this video in another post but… it’s worth watching again! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wlTzgTW3WaE  Our minds store those thoughts and those words that others have said and believed we are… They replay in our minds whenever we try to succeed…  It’s time for it to stop! Our minds are our friends not our enemies! So how do we get our minds back on our side? We have to change our mindset!

Think about it if we hear long enough “you can’t do it!” we start to believe it! Well start believing you can! Think of the little engine that could! All he ever said was“I think I can! I think I can!” and he did! Believe in yourself!  I’m drawn to a verse in Joshua which says: 

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

–Joshua 1:9

Wow! He is with us! Always! Our God is with us! And do you guys know what? When our God is with us… Nothing can stand against! NOTHING! Not our minds over thinking, not the baggage we carry, nothing! That is amazing guys!

God Bless!

And Remember,  He has made you beautiful! 

Excuses! Excuses!

So it’s been about a monthish since the end of my May Term class and my time helping the youth group this summer (Don’t worry I’ll be back!) I've been getting into a summer routine and by routine I mean wake up between 10:30 and noon show my face when I want to eat and stay mostly in my room because by my standards my family isn't doing anything (our standards are different)  and I want to do something, but in my want to do something, I've realized I'm doing nothing... And it makes me mad! What's my excuse? I don't have a car so I can't go anywhere or I don't feel like reading! I this or I that! the list can go on and on... As weird as this sounds what got me so fired up about not doing anything was an episode of biggest loser.... The theme for the season is no excuses! So I'm changing what I'm doing so I can feel like I'm doing something! My goal may not be to lose weight...but I could be reading more, working on art, practicing the guitar more since I kinda slacked off…a lot (enter sad puppy dog look…?) I know that it is going to take a little to start doing something… but hey something’s better than nothing…right? 

Another thing, using my family as an excuse for doing nothing is not an excuse at all… (by the way… they don’t do nothing!) It just feels like it sometimes! Neither is the excuse of my friends are busy and… It doesn't matter if my friends are busy… do I like hanging out with people? Definitely! I’m an extrovert… I thrive when I’m around people, but I don’t need people in order for me to do something! I am me… 1 person and as such I can do things!

Challenge time! :D  My challenge for you guys this week: put aside your excuses… or at least one and do something! You guys are awesome, and you all have something to give… Remember that! Don't be afraid to take that step! You've got this! Now... No more excuses!

God Bless!
He has made you beautiful!

The One About Trust...

Do You Trust Me? This is one of the scariest questions a person could ask you. In my case, when people have asked me that question, it’s a good thing. Maybe I’m hanging out with a friend, and we end up going to a park. Do you trust me? Maybe it’s as simple as someone getting me something to drink. Do you trust me?  The answer (for most if not all) is yes. That does not make the question any less scary. What I have noticed is that as a friendship increases the amount of trust needed or asked for increases as well.

This is true in our relationship with God as well. As we grow in him, he asks us to trust him more. It’s kind of scary! The thing with God more so than with others is that we have a flawed trust. What I mean is that we trust that God will give us what we want, but we do not want him to give us what we need. I have struggled with this a lot. It took a while for me to see it but I was asking God for clarity about where I should end up for the summer. I knew where I wanted to go, and I thought that was where I was supposed to go but I was realizing it was more of a false trust.  I’m realizing that that is not trust at all.

Trust is giving control of something in your life whether small or big to someone else and letting them determine the result. There is still an aspect that we are in control, though; we can either go along with the person we trusted to do something or we can go our separate way. So the question is….Do you trust Him? 

My challenge to you is to continue to trust God in the areas you already do, make sure it is a real trust and not a false trust, and finally trust God with an aspect of your life He doesn't have yet. You’ll be surprised at how much you will grow!

God Bless!

He has made you beautiful!

Who am I?

Hey guys! Long time no…read? Yeah we’ll go with that! I've been busy with the last stretch of my first year of college! Today is the last day of finals! This year has been one of the most awful, annoying, amazing, and growing times in my life. I’m so done with this semester, but I’m sad to see it end! Anyway blog time!

I hate being vulnerable but I will be honest with you guys… I have struggled (I didn't notice until this year) with my identity. You see I was always an outcast, and as a kid, it was hard. I wanted to be popular, part of the “in crowd” not knowing who I was I wanted to be a part of something so I could identify with…something…anything!

Well I never was popular. Looking back, that was a good thing. Instead, I through myself into sports… until I didn't like the coach… Then, it was grades…until I barely passed a class my sophomore year in high school… After that… and it continues. What sucks is sometimes you don’t even realize it until something changes or happens. What made me notice was when James, the pastor at the church I go to Sunday nights, had us write a moment when we totally just… God was there and we know… So I’m writing and it’s like yeah this happened and blah blah blah… and then it turns into a prayer, and I’m writing this prayer out and it’s kind of like what in the world where did that come from? Because it’s talking about how my identity is placed in other things besides God.

I am slowly (very slowly) getting back to where I need to be. Sometimes all I can do is remind myself “I am God’s kid!” But that’s enough. I really do want to get back to that awed 19 year old who can go outside look up at what her father has made and say with a cheesy grin and a gasp “STARS!” I want to get back to that girl who completely and utterly loves on people and will explode if I don’t because God is filling me with his “love juice.” I want to be so caught up in his presence that I am overwhelmed with joy. I want that! And I want that for you guys too!

So how do we get back? We need to continue to remind ourselves whose we are. We are children of a King! But, we are also to be humble. Get lost in God! We cannot find who we are until we do! Because we are God’s we have to get lost in who he is before we can understand the magnitude of his love for us. That love will in turn shape us into who we are to be! So that would be my challenge for us!

God bless!

He has made you beautiful!

Restored, Rescued, and Redeemed

I've been in a slump. I hate to say that because I want to be okay! I really do! I'm realizing I've just been in the wrong mindset. I have been focusing on how big the problems seem instead how big my God is. My God is so big even the problem that seems so big it could crush me, he can crush it between his fingers...

In talking some things out with a friend, I was challenged (not sure what to call it...) or told how I can get back on my feet... I feel the need to share it with you.

1. Remember who has you and the situations.  God's got me! He's got the situations I'm dealing with he holds it all in his hands! Do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will have it's own troubles... God's got you there is no need to worry just trust and rest in him.

2. Remember who you are. You are a child of God. Loved. There is no one out there who can love like you can... you are His feet and voice. You are His messenger. You are  His light! You shine the light of Christ! You are possibly the only light people will ever see (so shine bright!) You are you... and there is only one you in the world!

3. Get up off the ground! Stop taking the blows while you're on the ground with a shield covering your body.  Get up and fight for God is with you! He will never leave you! When things come and try to knock you down... stand firm for you are God's!

So I took my friend's words to heart, and I get back to my room, and I get my Bible and my notebook, and I go to the landing between the 2nd and 3rd floor of my building. I start out just writing something down, then I open my Bible and read three chapters from Micah. There were two parts that stuck out to me.

"As for you, watchtower of the flock, stronghold of Daughter Zion, the former dominion will be restored to you; kingship will come to Daughter Jerusalem.” Why do you now cry aloud—
    have you no king? Has your ruler perished, that pain seizes you like that of a woman in labor?"

Micah 4:8-9

 This one stuck out to me because (to me at least) it means that the happiness and the joy I had before will be restored. I looked up what restored meant. I found out that it means "to bring back" Another thing that stuck out to me, is that I am "crying" (sometimes literally) for no reason. What I mean is this: I have a hope in God. He is my Savior. Nothing is too big for him! I have no reason to fear the war or the storm because my help is on the way! My God is on the way and his promise is true! He loves me so much!

"for now you must leave the city to camp in the open field. You will go to Babylon; there you will be rescued. There the Lord will redeem you out of the hand of your enemies."

Micah 4:10(b)

This one stuck out to me because, yes we will go through bad situations, but we have hope that things will get better. We have a God who wants to rescue us, and He will!  Rescue means save someone from harm or danger. God rescues us! Redeem means to buy back! The LORD will buy/ has already bought you back from the enemy!  

We are Restored! We are brought back to who we are supposed to be as well as to whose we are supposed to be!

We are Rescued! We are/were saved from harm and danger by God! 

We are Redeemed! We were bought back! We cost something.. God paid for our freedom from sin. God sent his son to die in our place to free us from the bondage of sin. We are free! We are Redeemed!

I know I still have to climb before I completely see the light, but I'm getting there! Seeking God, when my life feels like a snow globe that has been shaken up, brings me so much peace! 

So now for your favorite part... Challenges! Seek God and know that he holds you as well as your situations in his hands! Remember who and whose you are! Finally, Stand up and fight, knowing that God is on your side! 

God bless!

He has made you beautiful!

Breathe, Love, & Change

This past month (I think it’s been a month now…) has been a stretching, growing, and somewhat awful time (but very much needed!) I mean I went from being sick (like fever sick), to spiritual attack, then concussion and stress. I felt like I couldn’t get a break, and (at least with certain people) I would complain and cry (literally) because I was so worn out I had nothing left.  God’s been teaching me a lot though! Sunday, I went to Kingdom Life (a really awesome church service). Service usually starts with testimony from the past week, and this Sunday the focus was different “wow” moments with God. So the last guy that spoke talked about his “wow” moment and honestly I couldn’t tell you all of what he said, but one thing stood out to me:  “be thankful you can breathe.”  You see he said this because (I’m pretty sure) he had been in a worn out state like I have (had). What God taught me through his testimony is that when you have nothing left be thankful you have breath! Be thankful you’re alive because that means that God is not done working in your life, nor is he done working in others’ lives through you! You may feel like you have nothing left, but trust me you do! I did and still do! I have been and will continue to be used by God! Just Breathe!

So last week (Sunday I think), the speaker at Kingdom Life gave a sermon related to love (I think… that’s what I took away). I heard the message, but honestly it didn’t sink in (right away) because I thought I loved those around me well already… boy was I wrong. One of my friends, later that night… (Pretty sure) asked if we could talk… she told me some things that I needed to hear… did I like being called out… no! But I absolutely needed it! (Thanks girl! I love you!) For me… one thing I got out of this conversation was that I hadn’t loved as well as I thought, that I still have some growing and learning to do, and that if I want this growth and learning to stay, I need to change me. (Meaning who I am apart from God transforming into a woman of God) On my own, I hurt people (even if I mean well… I can still hurt others!) With God’s help, I’ve gotten better at loving… I think! I went to Winter Jam (really awesome concert!) with a youth group and 3 leaders, (I knew 2 of the leaders) and I didn’t handle a situation the best… I didn’t say something lovingly to one of the girls, and honestly, I deserved her response! (Same way I had talked to her!) While we were still waiting to be let in, they had karaoke going. One of the leaders in the group I was with went to see what songs were available to sing. I went up with the leader, and there was a girl up at the table who wanted to sing, but she was nervous. She ended up signing up, but she was still nervous and freaking herself out… I go up to her (I do not know her…. at all!) and I just give her a hug and rub her back a little bit, (stuff that sometimes calms me down…) and I just told her she would be fine! As much as she needed that hug, I needed to give that hug. (Weird I know!) During Winter Jam I kept getting a theme of love and how big God is! I mean songs like King of My Heart by Love and the Outcome: “Your love is deeper than the ocean You wash away my brokenness Your arms are always open Come and rule in me Come and be my king,” Never Beyond Repair by Everfound: “You’re not beyond repair Grace meets you anywhere And the mess of your heart Is where love’s gonna start Cause you are, never beyond repair You’re never beyond repair,” and The Struggle by Tenth Avenue North: “Hallelujah We are free to struggle We're not struggling to be free Your blood bought and makes us children Children, drop your chains and sing” 

I’ve been learning a lot recently… about change! (Dramatic gasp!) Change that 5 letter words almost everyone (if not everyone) hates! We have all gone through at least one change whether it be switching schools or houses or even family dynamics. Not all change is bad though! Just like growth happens a lot in the desert times…growth happens in those times of change as well. Because when we change we cling on to what is known.  Sometimes we know that we change or are going through a change. There are times, though, where you change without knowing it but looking back you realize that you have changed. I have personally experienced both… I’ve been reflecting on my past year at college. I have about a month left of my freshman year. The time has flown by!  I have changed so much from the move-in day to now… I mean my friendships, habits, major (twice), personality, heart, and relationship with God have all changed.

 First off friends… I was the freshman who came in believing that my roommate would be my best friend and that we would hang out a lot because we only really knew each other and no one else (or at least not very well). We learned pretty quickly that that was not the case for us (Kinda sucks)!  I still hang out with my roommate as well as the friends I met through her but I do not hang out with them as much as another group!

My habits… since coming to school I’ve picked up some habits both good and bad. I am realizing that I am the type of person that when I get stressed I get overwhelmed and don’t do work because I don’t know where to start (so I don’t)… not good! The only time that this actually works is with art because the pressure somehow makes me crank out some pretty good work! Another habit I’ve picked up is my weird “waddle” I do when I want or need a hug… Ask my friends! I really do have a waddle…which may somehow be related to my love of penguins?  There have been more habits I have picked up as well…

 My major has changed twice now… I came in as a double major in Graphic Design and Media Design and minor in English (yes…I was crazy)… I then felt God calling me in a different direction… (enter youth min!) I changed my major (the first time) to a double major in Graphic Design and Youth Ministry (somehow the English minor got dropped…still not sure how?) Then after I talked to my advisers, I felt like I needed to change it again and my mom sent me a text… and my major changed yet again to my current focus: major in Youth Ministry and minor in Fine Arts!

 I feel like personality and heart go together when it comes to change. I feel like when one thing changes the other does as well… My personality has  changed so much and I’m not even sure what happened (enter confused face) All I know is that I will randomly go up to people I don’t know ( I still hesitate at times) and just talk to them, encourage them, and just love on them in whatever way they let me/ I can. I say this a lot but I love loving on people! I love it! I have this like overwhelming (good overwhelming) sense of Joy and Love… almost to the where I could burst if I don’t spread it! My personality and heart have also been changed because of my relationship with God has changed… I have grown in my faith so much it is so crazy! I mean before I came to school I was not this joyful…or loving… I’ve been stretched and shaped into a woman of God (not where I need to be but I’m growing) One thing I’ve noticed is that I’m more willing to go to God first… whether it be for help or to thank him for what he was done!  

God Bless!                                                                                                                         

He has made you beautiful!

Stripped Away

I’m learning that we are often asked to give things to God. In doing so, the person we made of ourselves is stripped away. All that we know about who we are changes. We are then changed into the people who God wants us to be. I get this image of a couple when I think about this. As a girl I feel like, in relationships we change who we are because we love someone. We change all that we know about ourselves and we begin to give up things because of it… whether it be friends, family, passions, hobbies, music…whatever it is we willingly give it up… why then when it comes to God do we hold back. We willingly give him part of ourselves like “God, you can have my career and my family, but God you can’t have my friends and my relationship with my boy/girlfriend.” In doing that, we are trying to contain an uncontainable God. In holding back stuff from God, we are inhibiting ourselves from growing as Christians… Is it easy to give up things to God? I’ll be honest it’s not, but sometimes that’s all that we can do. When we get a point where we can no longer control a part of our life that is when we need to be stripped away the most.   

I was talking with a friend of mine before chapel today, and she was talking to me about the story of Abraham being tested. The story comes from Genesis 22:1-19. Here is what the first 14 verses say:

Some time later God tested Abraham. He said to him, “Abraham!”

“Here I am,” he replied.

Then God said, “Take your son, your only son, whom you love—Isaac—and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on a mountain I will show you.”

Early the next morning Abraham got up and loaded his donkey. He took with him two of his servants and his son Isaac. When he had cut enough wood for the burnt offering, he set out for the place God had told him about. On the third day Abraham looked up and saw the place in the distance. He said to his servants, “Stay here with the donkey while I and the boy go over there. We will worship and then we will come back to you.”

Abraham took the wood for the burnt offering and placed it on his son Isaac, and he himself carried the fire and the knife. As the two of them went on together, Isaac spoke up and said to his father Abraham, “Father?”

“Yes, my son?” Abraham replied.

“The fire and wood are here,” Isaac said, “but where is the lamb for the burnt offering?”

Abraham answered, “God himself will provide the lamb for the burnt offering, my son.” And the two of them went on together.

When they reached the place God had told him about, Abraham built an altar there and arranged the wood on it. He bound his son Isaac and laid him on the altar, on top of the wood. Then he reached out his hand and took the knife to slay his son. ¹¹ But the angel of the Lord called out to him from heaven, “Abraham! Abraham!”

“Here I am,” he replied.

“Do not lay a hand on the boy,” he said. “Do not do anything to him. Now I know that you fear God, because you have not withheld from me your son, your only son.”

Abraham looked up and there in a thicket he saw a ram caught by its horns. He went over and took the ram and sacrificed it as a burnt offering instead of his son. So Abraham called that place The Lord Will Provide. And to this day it is said, “On the mountain of the Lord it will be provided.”

What my friend said was this: we are often asked to give things up to God or like I said earlier we are stripped of things. In this case, we are like Abraham going up the mountain. We are to carry what we are being asked to give up to the top of our “mountain.” Here is where we drift from Abraham though… We often get up to a certain spot on the mountain and say “okay, God this is far enough. You know what I’m going to head back do the mountain and the thing you asked me to give up… yeah I’m taking that back down with me because I know you’ll give it back to me.”  What did Abraham do? He went to the top of the mountain put Isaac on the altar and raised the dagger…why? Because he was willing to follow God whatever it took! Even going up the mountain, he could have turned back because he knew God would provide, but he never turned back. Like Abraham, we have to be willing to give up things whether it be our career, our friends, our family, or whatever else it may be…  Are there going to be times where God will provide for us or give us what we gave up? Sure, but that shouldn’t be an expectation… What if it ends up being like the situation of Job… where he lost what he held dear to him…He never cursed God… At the end of the story, he was blessed. (Like 3x what he had) God may be having you give up something because he has something better for you!

So I challenge you, seek God, and see if he is asking you to give something up… be willing to go to the top of the mountain and completely surrender whatever it is to God! I know I’ve been asked to give up stuff… I may not like it, but I have grown closer to God because of it! As weird as it will sound giving up things to God is so freeing… I want you guys to experience this freedom!

God Bless!

He has made you beautiful!