Breathe, Love, & Change

This past month (I think it’s been a month now…) has been a stretching, growing, and somewhat awful time (but very much needed!) I mean I went from being sick (like fever sick), to spiritual attack, then concussion and stress. I felt like I couldn’t get a break, and (at least with certain people) I would complain and cry (literally) because I was so worn out I had nothing left.  God’s been teaching me a lot though! Sunday, I went to Kingdom Life (a really awesome church service). Service usually starts with testimony from the past week, and this Sunday the focus was different “wow” moments with God. So the last guy that spoke talked about his “wow” moment and honestly I couldn’t tell you all of what he said, but one thing stood out to me:  “be thankful you can breathe.”  You see he said this because (I’m pretty sure) he had been in a worn out state like I have (had). What God taught me through his testimony is that when you have nothing left be thankful you have breath! Be thankful you’re alive because that means that God is not done working in your life, nor is he done working in others’ lives through you! You may feel like you have nothing left, but trust me you do! I did and still do! I have been and will continue to be used by God! Just Breathe!

So last week (Sunday I think), the speaker at Kingdom Life gave a sermon related to love (I think… that’s what I took away). I heard the message, but honestly it didn’t sink in (right away) because I thought I loved those around me well already… boy was I wrong. One of my friends, later that night… (Pretty sure) asked if we could talk… she told me some things that I needed to hear… did I like being called out… no! But I absolutely needed it! (Thanks girl! I love you!) For me… one thing I got out of this conversation was that I hadn’t loved as well as I thought, that I still have some growing and learning to do, and that if I want this growth and learning to stay, I need to change me. (Meaning who I am apart from God transforming into a woman of God) On my own, I hurt people (even if I mean well… I can still hurt others!) With God’s help, I’ve gotten better at loving… I think! I went to Winter Jam (really awesome concert!) with a youth group and 3 leaders, (I knew 2 of the leaders) and I didn’t handle a situation the best… I didn’t say something lovingly to one of the girls, and honestly, I deserved her response! (Same way I had talked to her!) While we were still waiting to be let in, they had karaoke going. One of the leaders in the group I was with went to see what songs were available to sing. I went up with the leader, and there was a girl up at the table who wanted to sing, but she was nervous. She ended up signing up, but she was still nervous and freaking herself out… I go up to her (I do not know her…. at all!) and I just give her a hug and rub her back a little bit, (stuff that sometimes calms me down…) and I just told her she would be fine! As much as she needed that hug, I needed to give that hug. (Weird I know!) During Winter Jam I kept getting a theme of love and how big God is! I mean songs like King of My Heart by Love and the Outcome: “Your love is deeper than the ocean You wash away my brokenness Your arms are always open Come and rule in me Come and be my king,” Never Beyond Repair by Everfound: “You’re not beyond repair Grace meets you anywhere And the mess of your heart Is where love’s gonna start Cause you are, never beyond repair You’re never beyond repair,” and The Struggle by Tenth Avenue North: “Hallelujah We are free to struggle We're not struggling to be free Your blood bought and makes us children Children, drop your chains and sing” 

I’ve been learning a lot recently… about change! (Dramatic gasp!) Change that 5 letter words almost everyone (if not everyone) hates! We have all gone through at least one change whether it be switching schools or houses or even family dynamics. Not all change is bad though! Just like growth happens a lot in the desert times…growth happens in those times of change as well. Because when we change we cling on to what is known.  Sometimes we know that we change or are going through a change. There are times, though, where you change without knowing it but looking back you realize that you have changed. I have personally experienced both… I’ve been reflecting on my past year at college. I have about a month left of my freshman year. The time has flown by!  I have changed so much from the move-in day to now… I mean my friendships, habits, major (twice), personality, heart, and relationship with God have all changed.

 First off friends… I was the freshman who came in believing that my roommate would be my best friend and that we would hang out a lot because we only really knew each other and no one else (or at least not very well). We learned pretty quickly that that was not the case for us (Kinda sucks)!  I still hang out with my roommate as well as the friends I met through her but I do not hang out with them as much as another group!

My habits… since coming to school I’ve picked up some habits both good and bad. I am realizing that I am the type of person that when I get stressed I get overwhelmed and don’t do work because I don’t know where to start (so I don’t)… not good! The only time that this actually works is with art because the pressure somehow makes me crank out some pretty good work! Another habit I’ve picked up is my weird “waddle” I do when I want or need a hug… Ask my friends! I really do have a waddle…which may somehow be related to my love of penguins?  There have been more habits I have picked up as well…

 My major has changed twice now… I came in as a double major in Graphic Design and Media Design and minor in English (yes…I was crazy)… I then felt God calling me in a different direction… (enter youth min!) I changed my major (the first time) to a double major in Graphic Design and Youth Ministry (somehow the English minor got dropped…still not sure how?) Then after I talked to my advisers, I felt like I needed to change it again and my mom sent me a text… and my major changed yet again to my current focus: major in Youth Ministry and minor in Fine Arts!

 I feel like personality and heart go together when it comes to change. I feel like when one thing changes the other does as well… My personality has  changed so much and I’m not even sure what happened (enter confused face) All I know is that I will randomly go up to people I don’t know ( I still hesitate at times) and just talk to them, encourage them, and just love on them in whatever way they let me/ I can. I say this a lot but I love loving on people! I love it! I have this like overwhelming (good overwhelming) sense of Joy and Love… almost to the where I could burst if I don’t spread it! My personality and heart have also been changed because of my relationship with God has changed… I have grown in my faith so much it is so crazy! I mean before I came to school I was not this joyful…or loving… I’ve been stretched and shaped into a woman of God (not where I need to be but I’m growing) One thing I’ve noticed is that I’m more willing to go to God first… whether it be for help or to thank him for what he was done!  

God Bless!                                                                                                                         

He has made you beautiful!

Stripped Away

I’m learning that we are often asked to give things to God. In doing so, the person we made of ourselves is stripped away. All that we know about who we are changes. We are then changed into the people who God wants us to be. I get this image of a couple when I think about this. As a girl I feel like, in relationships we change who we are because we love someone. We change all that we know about ourselves and we begin to give up things because of it… whether it be friends, family, passions, hobbies, music…whatever it is we willingly give it up… why then when it comes to God do we hold back. We willingly give him part of ourselves like “God, you can have my career and my family, but God you can’t have my friends and my relationship with my boy/girlfriend.” In doing that, we are trying to contain an uncontainable God. In holding back stuff from God, we are inhibiting ourselves from growing as Christians… Is it easy to give up things to God? I’ll be honest it’s not, but sometimes that’s all that we can do. When we get a point where we can no longer control a part of our life that is when we need to be stripped away the most.   

I was talking with a friend of mine before chapel today, and she was talking to me about the story of Abraham being tested. The story comes from Genesis 22:1-19. Here is what the first 14 verses say:

Some time later God tested Abraham. He said to him, “Abraham!”

“Here I am,” he replied.

Then God said, “Take your son, your only son, whom you love—Isaac—and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on a mountain I will show you.”

Early the next morning Abraham got up and loaded his donkey. He took with him two of his servants and his son Isaac. When he had cut enough wood for the burnt offering, he set out for the place God had told him about. On the third day Abraham looked up and saw the place in the distance. He said to his servants, “Stay here with the donkey while I and the boy go over there. We will worship and then we will come back to you.”

Abraham took the wood for the burnt offering and placed it on his son Isaac, and he himself carried the fire and the knife. As the two of them went on together, Isaac spoke up and said to his father Abraham, “Father?”

“Yes, my son?” Abraham replied.

“The fire and wood are here,” Isaac said, “but where is the lamb for the burnt offering?”

Abraham answered, “God himself will provide the lamb for the burnt offering, my son.” And the two of them went on together.

When they reached the place God had told him about, Abraham built an altar there and arranged the wood on it. He bound his son Isaac and laid him on the altar, on top of the wood. Then he reached out his hand and took the knife to slay his son. ¹¹ But the angel of the Lord called out to him from heaven, “Abraham! Abraham!”

“Here I am,” he replied.

“Do not lay a hand on the boy,” he said. “Do not do anything to him. Now I know that you fear God, because you have not withheld from me your son, your only son.”

Abraham looked up and there in a thicket he saw a ram caught by its horns. He went over and took the ram and sacrificed it as a burnt offering instead of his son. So Abraham called that place The Lord Will Provide. And to this day it is said, “On the mountain of the Lord it will be provided.”

What my friend said was this: we are often asked to give things up to God or like I said earlier we are stripped of things. In this case, we are like Abraham going up the mountain. We are to carry what we are being asked to give up to the top of our “mountain.” Here is where we drift from Abraham though… We often get up to a certain spot on the mountain and say “okay, God this is far enough. You know what I’m going to head back do the mountain and the thing you asked me to give up… yeah I’m taking that back down with me because I know you’ll give it back to me.”  What did Abraham do? He went to the top of the mountain put Isaac on the altar and raised the dagger…why? Because he was willing to follow God whatever it took! Even going up the mountain, he could have turned back because he knew God would provide, but he never turned back. Like Abraham, we have to be willing to give up things whether it be our career, our friends, our family, or whatever else it may be…  Are there going to be times where God will provide for us or give us what we gave up? Sure, but that shouldn’t be an expectation… What if it ends up being like the situation of Job… where he lost what he held dear to him…He never cursed God… At the end of the story, he was blessed. (Like 3x what he had) God may be having you give up something because he has something better for you!

So I challenge you, seek God, and see if he is asking you to give something up… be willing to go to the top of the mountain and completely surrender whatever it is to God! I know I’ve been asked to give up stuff… I may not like it, but I have grown closer to God because of it! As weird as it will sound giving up things to God is so freeing… I want you guys to experience this freedom!

God Bless!

He has made you beautiful!

Encourage One Another

I feel like God's been trying to teach me something about encouragement... Encouragement is a sacrifice. It is elevating others above yourself... it costs something whether it be time, money, etc. I feel like encouragement is something I need to work on...now! Not when my life is going well... being an encouragement to others is easy when life is good... there is no sacrifice (or in my view less of one) But when you have your own issues, and you put them aside in order to help or encourage others... man that's amazing! (I've seen that happen!)

We need encouragement because we get discouraged... how do we get discouraged though.... to me there are at least 2 ways if not more: words said and words left unsaid.... people are not always the easiest to get along with and we are human... we make mistakes! Sometimes we say things that hurt people more than we know! You guys have probably all heard the saying "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" that is one of the biggest lies...EVER!!!!! We may not like to admit it, but  WORDS HURT. Words have a way of cutting deep and staying with us... kind of like baggage... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wlTzgTW3WaE (watch it!) We get to the point like in the video where we crumble under the weight of others words!(and our baggage) Words said... Just like words said can have a bad effect on people words not said can effect people just as much... keeping quite about something because you don't want to be picked on too... whatever your reason not telling someone something encouraging... I'm not okay with that! Do I still do this... yes! I'm not exempt from this! I do not always encourage other, but I'm working on it... I feel like so far, for me, encouragement is seen through the sacrifice of time! I could and probably should be in bed now, but instead I feel the need to share this with you... to encourage you to encourage others! I went to something on campus called Cultivate this week (maybe like Monday??) The speaker at Cultivate spoke on encouragement, and I remember asking God to use me to encourage others! Well he heard me... like he always does!

I challenge you to ask God to give you opportunities to encourage others... and when those opportunities come, and I know they will... be willing to sacrifice your time, money, energy... whatever it is give it up!

God Bless!
He has made you beautiful!

He Listens

So can I just say God's funny! I mean seriously he must really have a sense of humor, or he just cares...a lot. Or both... Both is good! So yesterday was a really bad day to a not so good week. I was in a really low place… I was describing how I was feeling to a friend yesterday, and the only way I could describe it was that I was Peter when he looked down at the waves and started falling but Jesus grabbed him and pulled him up. I was reminded today of the prayer I wrote on the board up in the Prayer Loft yesterday… My prayer was this:

God,

I am so worn.

I feel like there is nothing left for me to give.

I cannot shout any louder.

Lord, I need you!

I can’t stand and I’m falling on you.

I already know you have the victory God.

I don’t ask for strength… instead in my broken state…

USE ME!

Love ya dad!

A beloved daughter!

So then today happened. Hahaha! Today was accepted students weekend, where those students that are accepted to IWU are able to come hang out, participate in activities, and generally get a feel of what college life would be like. Every Saturday I have lunch with a group of my friends. Today I’m pretty sure we had twelve people! Two friends brought someone with them, one was an old roommate the other was a friend. After a while there were four people (including me and a girl I had just met today) that were just talking. We ended up praying over and for the person I had just met! 

Then, while I was waiting for a ride to the store I saw two girls who were part of accepted students weekend, and (being the people person I am) I went over and talked to them for a little bit. It was just basic stuff but it was awesome. So then my ride showed up and I left the two girls. 

So, I didn’t end up going to the store because I had said I would help with a jeopardy game. I went to the chapel where the game was being held and waited to see if I was needed. It turned out that I wasn’t but I was told I could stay if I wanted to. I decided I would and I found a girl who was sitting by herself. I ended up talking with her and by the end of the hour(ish) session we had exchanged numbers, I ask how I can be praying for her, I told her she could call or text if she wanted, and I told her that if she wants to we could get McConn (coffee/ tea) when we come to campus in the fall. 

After that, I run into a family who is looking for a certain building and I help point them in the direction. Then I go check my mailbox and on the way to get food, I see a girl standing by herself and I go talk to her. I end up asking her how I could be praying for her and then I leave to go get food. 

I get my food and head back to my dorm. I end up meeting a family that is trying to find the room their daughter is staying in and I help them find the room. I then go up and eat my food. After a little bit, two girl show up outside my door (we are housing people for the night J yeah!!!!) So, it turns out they are staying in the room so I get to talk to them! I learn what they are going to study and I little bit about them!

So then, since I needed off campus, one of my friends took me to a park and we just walked and talked! It was fun and the park had a bouncy purple dinosaur so yeah! (I like dinosaurs… and purple) We talked about a lot of stuff and I told my friend that I want to do the “everything” skit when I get a youth group.(I’m a youth major if you didn’t know)  My friend told me about an opportunity that I might have if I can stay for may term… I would be able to do drama stuff with a youth group :D um so yeah I really want to stay for may term now!

 I didn’t tell you guys this because I wanted to be weird and tell you about my awesome life (sarcasm by the way…) the reason I told you about all this was because God listens. He hears what we say. He knows where are hearts are. It says in Matthew 7:7-8: “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.” 

I really think that sometimes God just wants us to ask him to use us… I really do! Today was a perfect example!

So I challenge you to: ask God to do big things in and through you… persistently seek out God… and finally approach (knock) God purposefully! (Giving thanks in good times is a purpose too! Don’t forget that!) 

God bless!
He has made you beautiful!