Breathe, Love, & Change

This past month (I think it’s been a month now…) has been a stretching, growing, and somewhat awful time (but very much needed!) I mean I went from being sick (like fever sick), to spiritual attack, then concussion and stress. I felt like I couldn’t get a break, and (at least with certain people) I would complain and cry (literally) because I was so worn out I had nothing left.  God’s been teaching me a lot though! Sunday, I went to Kingdom Life (a really awesome church service). Service usually starts with testimony from the past week, and this Sunday the focus was different “wow” moments with God. So the last guy that spoke talked about his “wow” moment and honestly I couldn’t tell you all of what he said, but one thing stood out to me:  “be thankful you can breathe.”  You see he said this because (I’m pretty sure) he had been in a worn out state like I have (had). What God taught me through his testimony is that when you have nothing left be thankful you have breath! Be thankful you’re alive because that means that God is not done working in your life, nor is he done working in others’ lives through you! You may feel like you have nothing left, but trust me you do! I did and still do! I have been and will continue to be used by God! Just Breathe!

So last week (Sunday I think), the speaker at Kingdom Life gave a sermon related to love (I think… that’s what I took away). I heard the message, but honestly it didn’t sink in (right away) because I thought I loved those around me well already… boy was I wrong. One of my friends, later that night… (Pretty sure) asked if we could talk… she told me some things that I needed to hear… did I like being called out… no! But I absolutely needed it! (Thanks girl! I love you!) For me… one thing I got out of this conversation was that I hadn’t loved as well as I thought, that I still have some growing and learning to do, and that if I want this growth and learning to stay, I need to change me. (Meaning who I am apart from God transforming into a woman of God) On my own, I hurt people (even if I mean well… I can still hurt others!) With God’s help, I’ve gotten better at loving… I think! I went to Winter Jam (really awesome concert!) with a youth group and 3 leaders, (I knew 2 of the leaders) and I didn’t handle a situation the best… I didn’t say something lovingly to one of the girls, and honestly, I deserved her response! (Same way I had talked to her!) While we were still waiting to be let in, they had karaoke going. One of the leaders in the group I was with went to see what songs were available to sing. I went up with the leader, and there was a girl up at the table who wanted to sing, but she was nervous. She ended up signing up, but she was still nervous and freaking herself out… I go up to her (I do not know her…. at all!) and I just give her a hug and rub her back a little bit, (stuff that sometimes calms me down…) and I just told her she would be fine! As much as she needed that hug, I needed to give that hug. (Weird I know!) During Winter Jam I kept getting a theme of love and how big God is! I mean songs like King of My Heart by Love and the Outcome: “Your love is deeper than the ocean You wash away my brokenness Your arms are always open Come and rule in me Come and be my king,” Never Beyond Repair by Everfound: “You’re not beyond repair Grace meets you anywhere And the mess of your heart Is where love’s gonna start Cause you are, never beyond repair You’re never beyond repair,” and The Struggle by Tenth Avenue North: “Hallelujah We are free to struggle We're not struggling to be free Your blood bought and makes us children Children, drop your chains and sing” 

I’ve been learning a lot recently… about change! (Dramatic gasp!) Change that 5 letter words almost everyone (if not everyone) hates! We have all gone through at least one change whether it be switching schools or houses or even family dynamics. Not all change is bad though! Just like growth happens a lot in the desert times…growth happens in those times of change as well. Because when we change we cling on to what is known.  Sometimes we know that we change or are going through a change. There are times, though, where you change without knowing it but looking back you realize that you have changed. I have personally experienced both… I’ve been reflecting on my past year at college. I have about a month left of my freshman year. The time has flown by!  I have changed so much from the move-in day to now… I mean my friendships, habits, major (twice), personality, heart, and relationship with God have all changed.

 First off friends… I was the freshman who came in believing that my roommate would be my best friend and that we would hang out a lot because we only really knew each other and no one else (or at least not very well). We learned pretty quickly that that was not the case for us (Kinda sucks)!  I still hang out with my roommate as well as the friends I met through her but I do not hang out with them as much as another group!

My habits… since coming to school I’ve picked up some habits both good and bad. I am realizing that I am the type of person that when I get stressed I get overwhelmed and don’t do work because I don’t know where to start (so I don’t)… not good! The only time that this actually works is with art because the pressure somehow makes me crank out some pretty good work! Another habit I’ve picked up is my weird “waddle” I do when I want or need a hug… Ask my friends! I really do have a waddle…which may somehow be related to my love of penguins?  There have been more habits I have picked up as well…

 My major has changed twice now… I came in as a double major in Graphic Design and Media Design and minor in English (yes…I was crazy)… I then felt God calling me in a different direction… (enter youth min!) I changed my major (the first time) to a double major in Graphic Design and Youth Ministry (somehow the English minor got dropped…still not sure how?) Then after I talked to my advisers, I felt like I needed to change it again and my mom sent me a text… and my major changed yet again to my current focus: major in Youth Ministry and minor in Fine Arts!

 I feel like personality and heart go together when it comes to change. I feel like when one thing changes the other does as well… My personality has  changed so much and I’m not even sure what happened (enter confused face) All I know is that I will randomly go up to people I don’t know ( I still hesitate at times) and just talk to them, encourage them, and just love on them in whatever way they let me/ I can. I say this a lot but I love loving on people! I love it! I have this like overwhelming (good overwhelming) sense of Joy and Love… almost to the where I could burst if I don’t spread it! My personality and heart have also been changed because of my relationship with God has changed… I have grown in my faith so much it is so crazy! I mean before I came to school I was not this joyful…or loving… I’ve been stretched and shaped into a woman of God (not where I need to be but I’m growing) One thing I’ve noticed is that I’m more willing to go to God first… whether it be for help or to thank him for what he was done!  

God Bless!                                                                                                                         

He has made you beautiful!